love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
