Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
