i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
