I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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