I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Houston, we have a blender
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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