True but thats because hes a fetus.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
