...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
