So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
