Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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