He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
