I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
