She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
