the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
