Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
