Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
