I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
