I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
