May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
