Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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