why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
