I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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