I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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