i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
