Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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