I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
