I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There r osticjed everywhere
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
