you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
