I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
