i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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