apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
