the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i've created a new STD.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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