Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
