i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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