am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
