I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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