When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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