His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am naked and annoyed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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