Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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