I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
