it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
