I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
