Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
