Can Purell be used as lube?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
