Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
