definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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