do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
