some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
