im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
