dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
