i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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