R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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