dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
