walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
