I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Come on in and take your pants off
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
