my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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