His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
