fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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