Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he was CRYING into my vagina
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
