The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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