i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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