I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
