I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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