you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
