You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
