well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
