were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
