Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
