the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
