Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
