Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
