So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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