Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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