I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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