just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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