You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
